This is My Way to The Dawn
by The Last Keyblade Master
Summary: Riku's having some second thoughts on whether he wants to sit and stay on Destiny Islands. He can't sit back and watch Kairi win Sora over... Will a new journey help Riku get over his crush? How will Sora take it? What if Riku dissappears?
1. Chapter 1

Okay, my first KH fanfic ever. However, I won't be able to update as quick, because I have a problem with my computer so yeah... Anyway, this chapter is only the beginning so it kind of sucks! The second chapter is better!

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts 1 or 2**

**Chapter 1: This is my pain, not yours**

I was finally home.

I tried to get back to this place for one whole year…

It was my own fault, but I still managed to get back with my friends…

So why did it feel so wrong to be back?

Why was I feeling like something was missing inside? Was it, because Sora and Kairi were becoming closer with each other? Maybe, but then again, they have every right to be together.

I fear that my repetitive thoughts are beginning to make me doubt my best friends. I mean sure I'm glad that they're going to be together, but a part of me, my dark side, despises the fact that they're even talking to one another. However, I have no say in this so, I'll butt out. It's funny, I used to think I was in love with Kairi, but it wasn't even close to love. I guess I can never really "love" anyone.

The only thing I can do is like someone, never have I used the words "I" and "love" in the same sentence. Oh well, I guess I'm destined to never fall in love, perhaps I'm supposed to be alone for the rest of my life.

"RIKKKKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

I nearly collapsed off of the bent paopu tree I sat on and instantly snapped from my thoughts. Sora jumped on the tree and sat right next to me, staring into the horizon that connected the land and sea. Sora didn't say a thing which worried me most, normal people don't exactly just shout your name and not say SOMETHING.

" I-I was thinking about leaving Sora…" I accidentally said, I didn't mean to it just slipped out…

" What do you mean your thinking of leaving? We just got you back and you want to LEAVE!" Sora turned to face me, gaping.

" I don't mean FOREVER, just a little while…" I explained, trying to calm him down, from my view it looked like he was hyperventilating. I don't exactly think that's a good thing and I don't think that's actually a bad thing, in his case anyways.

"…"

"What?"

"……"

"What…?"

"…"

"C'mon Sora don't gimme the silent treatment!"

"What's wrong, Riku?" I blinked.

"There's nothing wro-"

"Don't lie to me Riku… Our hearts are connected, I can tell when your lying, you want to leave… not to get away from here. You want to go away, because of me…" He said it as if I hated him or something, which kind of hurt, because no one ever told me how I really thought.

"Ha… How'd you guess?"

I was actually surprised by how easily he could read me… So very well… Even though, we haven't spent much time together… I did want to leave, because of him, but not like that. I wanted to leave so I could settle myself down, to be okay with their relationship. I mean, it's okay if their together, I've been alone more than once. I even have King Mickey with me now so I won't be "alone"…I just won't have someone there with me that I can love, that'll love me in return.

"Riku if you leave, Kairi and I leave as well!" The instant he said Kairi, I think I almost punched him in the face. If it wasn't for my calm composure anyway, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they came along. Maybe going on an adventure again would do us some good, even if we did just come back from an adventure.

" Fine, fine. You can come, but Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember I told you there was one thing you could never imitate by not being me?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I found out there were two more things you can't imitate by not being me."

"Ohhhh, and what's that, huuuuhhh?"

"One, you can't ever be as tall as me and two, you can't ever be as hot as me" And with that I ran like never before. Maybe… Just maybe, everything was fine just the way it was.

"Riku, get back here so I can kick you butt yo-!"

_Thud!_

What the hell was that sound…?

I turned around to see Maleficen- I mean Kairi on top of Sora… I swear to god I forgot about that bitc- Kairi. I miss when it was just Sora and me.

"Sora, how can you be playing at a time like this! We gotta finish our raft!" Malefi- Kairi said and she smacked him over the head, he recoiled.

_Bitch…_

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Okay, I know, I know... Really bad chapter, but please R&R my second chapter is better! 


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, second chapter it turned out strangely, but you know.. I like this chapter.

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**Chapter 2: Blood is My Salvation**

"You should get off of him ,Malefic-Kairi, karma's a bad thing y'know?" Riku shouted as he made his way over to the couple. How much he despised using that word? No one knew.

"He he, yeah I know, but he is my boyfriend," Kairi murmured, she lifted herself off of Sora and helped him up. "I have some privileges that you don't."

"…"

"You alright, Riku?" Sora asked in confusion as his already pale friend, turned a deathly pale color, almost like he was dead. No one told him that Sora and Kairi were a real "couple".

"Huh? Oh, yeah… Everything's fine… Just fine… Hah, like hell I'm fine!" Riku whispered, it was caught in the wind so it was like he hadn't said anything, but of course, Sora heard.

Before, Sora could reach Riku, Riku turned around and began to ramble on about something he couldn't quite hear. The silver-haired boy shifted around and headed toward the direction of Destiny Island's waterfall.

"Riku! Where y'goin!" Sora shouted, worried about his friend. This never happened before, so why now?

Over his shoulder, Riku retorted, "Don't worry! Just going to check something out, go finish the raft you lazy bum, I'm sure you'll be able to reach the mast… Somehow!"

Unfortunately, Riku was not okay. **NOT **okay. Why didn't anybody ever **TELL** him about these things! Riku fumed all the way into the secret cave, he tore away at the slimy, dark green vines. They lay coiled up on the floor, so useless. He walked along the walls and scraped at the childhood images that Sora and Kairi drew when they were younger. That's when he stopped, Riku saw the poorly drawn image of Sora and Kairi feeding each other a Paopo fruit. Oh, how he could easily destroy that image with his key blade.

Their secret spot, Sora and Riku's secret spot, not Kairi's. It was meant for the two of them, yet Sora had to have a soft spot for the girl, who in turn began to slowly steal everything that meant something to him (Riku not Sora). Kairi was allowed in their secret spot, because she was special… Special to Sora. Was he ever special to Sora?

No.

He was just another person in Sora's life, nothing special. Nothing special at all…

"Nghh…"

A voice began to speak inside of his head. It taunted him. About how he could never have Sora, how things would never return to how they used to be, how he would never be able to truly return to the light.

It was Ansem's voice. Riku's shadow. So ugly… He despised it with all of his heart.

Riku shook his head vigorously. He knew better than to let Ansem control his actions, nonetheless his own shadow. However, Ansem wouldn't stop clouding his head with jealously, Ansem was his dark side, he was what made Riku the dawn, what kept him from the light, his heart throbbed. The second Kairi said that Sora was his boyfriend was what let Ansem slowly overpower his light. Sora was his light, Kairi his darkness, when they intertwined it created him, the dawn. However, when his light was stolen by the darkness, he was no longer needed, he was swallowed by utter darkness. There were some traces of hope left, but Sora wasn't here to help him. He was the dawn, as Sora and Kairi were light, but Riku was slowly fading from the dawn and back into the darkness from where he was born, but he was afraid. There was a time where Riku did want to fade back into the darkness, but that was with Sora, now he was to afraid to fade into the darkness alone.

_I-I don't deserve to be here…I don't deserve to be happy…They're to pure… To be tainted by the darkness that flows from me…It's true I'm to afraid to be taken in by the darkness alone…_

Riku bit down on his lip until he bled. He ran toward the wall with Sora and Kairi's drawing on it. In an instant, Riku smashed his head against the wall, a crack echoed through the cave. The sound that resembled a pencil being split down the middle or even the sound of your leg splitting in half.

The voices in his head finally stopped.

Riku turned so his back faced the wall and leaned against it for support. He couldn't think straight nor could he see straight. Hell he couldn't even move.

_Pain._

The pain actually gave him immense pleasure. Then again, it could be his mind playing tricks on him. He took in a sharp breath as if it hurt to breathe and he quickly let it out. As Riku laid his head against the wall, he could feel it. The flow of blood seeping from his wound which was dangerously near his temple, it slid from his hair onto the cold wall behind him. There wasn't any dripping from the wound, just streams, no, rivers of blood flowing onto the walls and leaving a pool of crimson on the ground. Riku's silver hair was now soaked in his own pleasure.

What would Sora say if he saw this?

Did it even matter what Sora said anymore?

Yes…

He shifted his weight and stumbled down, sitting up-right against the wall. Sora and Kairi's drawing must've been ruined by now. They'll **never ever **forgive him for ruining their picture that represented their love. Riku laughed, not one of those kind hearted filled laughs he used to let out as a child, but one with a sadistic twist that leaked from it. His bangs fell over his eyes, slowly he let his eyes close. If he was going to bleed to death, he might as well die sleeping. Though, Riku knew that the wound wasn't bad enough to kill him. He scoffed and jerked his head back, bashing it into the picture again.

_Die dam nit! Die!_

He chanted this as he repeatedly rammed his head again the wall. Thankfully, he got to tired and let his head slump down. He sat there and cried. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, he was supposed to be the strong one, calm and collected. Now, he was nothing more than a shadow, who was just beyond the border of fading. Riku sighed, he let himself try to sleep, he was bound to be found sooner or later. So, he relaxed and waited.

It was so quiet inside the cave. Maybe it was his imagination, but he thought he saw his younger self with Sora, carelessly poking at one another with their poorly made wooden swords. Oh, what he would give to be a kid again? Everything and anything. There truly was no sound inside of the hideout and it felt as if he just blended in with the wall. As if he would just turn into dust and be blown away by a gentle breeze if a sudden sound was made. He wished he could be blown away with the wind.

Would that make him happy?

At the moment, hell yes.

About five minutes later, Riku was in the state of being half asleep and half awake. Suddenly, a swift hand collided with his head, where he bled. It wasn't a painful collision, however, it was a cool gentle hand that caressed his wound. Just like a breeze. Riku was much too tired to respond to the faint touch, he wondered whether it was real or not, but decided it didn't matter, it felt good.

"_Are you alright…? Hey… Wake up, Riku…!"_

It was a faint, yet gentle voice that mixed with distress, but to Riku's ears the voice didn't sound familiar. Riku couldn't hear very well with the blood seeping into his ears, he couldn't pinpoint whose voice it belonged, too. He couldn't move, his body refused to let him get up. He painfully raised his head to meet soft, blue eyes. They looked so, so sad, but before he could say anything, he fainted.

"_Riku! Riku! No! Please…!"_

_**"Wake up…!"**_

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Okay! So who should the blue eyed person be? Sora? Kairi (pfft... no even if you guys want me to, no)? Namine? Roxas? Miya ( My own personal Kh character >.>)?

Up to you! Or not! Depends on how I feel about your decision. Anyway! R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

Yay! Hey, everyone! This chapter is a bit short, but I like it! Sorry, it took me so long to update, but I had a writer's block so I didn't know what to write about. By the way, it also seems that I'm having another writer's block. Should they end up at Hollow Bastion? Or Mickey's Castle first? I honestly don't know... Anyway, I hope you like this chapter! R&R!

**Disclaimer: I don't own KH or KH2 blah blah blah!**

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Chapter 3: I Wish I Could Say "I Love You"

I awoke with the most fucking painful headache in the goddamned island. I winced at the pain that practically tore at the back of my head. It was dark, but I could still see my surroundings and I-I, I was moving? I must be in heaven or something, because I swore I felt the gentle brush of Sora's hair brush against my face. But that wasn't right…Sora isn't dead, but I'm pretty sure I am…

Unless…

"HOLY FUCK!"

I wailed and lost my balance, falling from Sora's back onto the rough ground. My head hit with a small thud, but GOD did it hurt! Sora abruptly pivoted around to see me sprawled across the floor. I really wished this was a dream. As calm and collected as I am, this was embarrassing as hell.

"R-Riku!" Sora shouted. He ran and skidded down next to my side helping me up. I rubbed the back of my head and felt a too-large-of-a-lump. Now, I wonder how that got there…

"Riku… Your bleeding…" Sora whispered.

Oh, the wound, I forgot. He gently raised his hand, letting his hand run through my hair. His hand slowly made it's way to my head wound, blood began trickling from the side of my face and onto his hands.No…No…Don't touch me, Sora…The blood-

I was cut off by a great deal of warmth colliding into my whole being. It actually hurt me both physically and mentally to feel Sora's arms wrapped around my neck. I could hear silent sobs escaping from his lips. No,no,no! Sora, if he would cry, then I would comfort him. Why? Because, I love him…Steadily, moving my arms around his waist, I pulled him into an embrace. I want this moment to last, because this is the only moment that this'll ever happen.

"R-Riku, Why-What were you trying to do in our secret spot…?"

Silence.

It was awkward. What was I supposed to say? Oh, hey Sora I was trying to kill myself in our secret cave where we first met, because you'll never return my feelings! Yep, realnice excuse…

"Riku, please don't hide this from me! I understand, whatever your feeling it must hurt! So, please tell me! I can't bear to lose you to the darkness again!" Sora shouted.

"Sora, that's the problem. You don't understand... You haven't given into the darkness like I have. You haven't..." My voiced trailed off.

What exactly didn't he understand?

He didn't understand how it felt to lose the one that meant most to him to someone else.

Sora's eyes narrowed, not influenced by anger, but pain. Tears threatened to overflow from his eyes and I panicked. His hands rested just above my chest and I could feel the heat rising from between the both of us. He rested his head at the crook of my neck and that was it. He cried. He screamed.

"R-Riku...Don't give me this bull... I care, Riku! Don't you understand that! Killing youself and leaving me behind to struggle against the darkness alone! Is that what it's come, too! Riku, I-Need-You." His head raised as small droplets of salty tears flung off to the side.

This time he was clutching my jacket as if he was hanging on for dear life. His eyes relentlessly tried to decode my shielded feelings. Did he really care that much for me. This was just one of those moments where even I could drop down and cry. If only he knew, how much I truly did love him. I couldn't take it anymore! His gentle glazed eyes that resembled the ocean itself. Soft pleas that soothed my ears. Everything about him was driving me nuts! I gave it a small thought. _Kiss him now or forever hold my peace in eternal darkness? Kiss? Eternal darkness? Kiss? Eternal darkness?_

Well, that wasn't a very hard decision.

I closed my eyes and drew in a sharp breath. Now, or never!

"SOOOORRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!"

_SON OF A BITCH!_

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Lol... Sorry, Riku! No, kissy for you this chapter! Who do you think said "SORRRRRRRRAAAAAAA"... >.> I'm pretty sure you know who:D lol. Had to cut the kissy scene. Next chapter will be some action I hope. By the way, may I ask you guys what was behind the door in the secret hideout ,anyway? Oh, whatever, but I do need someone to anwser that question. So, Hollow Bastion or Disney Castle? XDDD Either way! R&R! 


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